How to Find People Worthy of Your Time and Get Them to Like You

0 Flares Facebook 0 Google+ 0 Twitter 0 Buffer 0 0 Flares ×

SGM2a

Do you think it’s hard to find people you’d want to surround yourself with — intelligent people who actually do things?

I know I do did.

And it’s definitely one of the things that you need to get on top of as soon as possible in life. Because it can make all the difference.

The small number of people that you surround yourself with and spend the most of your time with will impact your life in a big way.

If you deliberately find people who are intelligent and driven, befriend them, and start hanging out with them a lot, it will make a huge difference over time. Everyone who knows anything about self-development stresses the importance of this. Every person who lives a life of deliberate design has done this.

The problem is that most people don’t think it matters that much.

Why You Must Find People Who Are Intelligent and Do Things

One of the saddest things I know, is when highly intelligent and ambitious people don’t understand this — that they must set out to find people who are on the same level as them.  Because if they don’t, it’ll  hold them back worse than walking around with hiking gear.

Think about it.

If you were to walk around with a heavy backpack and hiking gear every day, it would make you slower, but at the same time it would also make you stronger.  It follows the principle of resistance training, you pay a temporary price of discomfort to get stronger in the long-term.

Some people actually apply this logic to their choice of friends or associates. They think that they’ll get “stronger” if they — who are smart and ambitious — surround themselves with people who are below their level.

They think that they will become mentally stronger, more independent and less reactive, by surrounding themselves with people who are inferior to them.

But that’s completely wrong!

The “resistance-training-logic” cannot be applied to the company you keep.

You don’t get “stronger” by surrounding yourself with people who are less smart, take less action, and are less ambitious than you are.

It might make you look better and affirm your ego — making you feel like you’re doing really good in comparison to these people.  But it won’t help you much over time. Of course you look good, compared to those people… But what if you compared yourself to some of the greatest men in history?

That would put things in better perspective.

Being around people below your level because it makes you look cool in comparison is a symptom of being a short-term thinker who’s more focused on how things are right now compared to how things will be.

When I meet such people, and I see the company they keep, it’s painfully obvious that they’re not going to make it as far as they deserve to, unless they cut away the dead weight friends.

But that can be tough – cutting them out, that is.

It can be tough for a number of reasons.

It’s hard to be icy when it’s a long-term friend you’re dealing with.  It’s hard to cut friends off, even if you know they’re not the type of person you should be around to maximize your personal growth in the long-term.

Why?

Because you like them — and emotions precede logic. It does distort your rational abilities. You will be biased.  You will find any number of reasons why this friend of yours adds value and ought to be kept in your life. You become blind to the obvious loser-tendencies in your friend.

So, how do you deal with it?

The best solution is to avoid this bias from even occurring in the first place!

You do this by developing high standards for who you spend time with. You become mindful about who you allow into your life.

In this post you’re going to learn a strategy for doing this, consisting of two steps.  And it’s highly practicable.

  1. Find people and screen them to see if they’re worth your time.
  2. Befriend them quickly by establishing rapport — AKA, identify their dominant memes and center the conversation around it.

Note: This strategy works much faster and better in real life than it does online.

Step 1: How to Find People and Screen Them

Socrates supposedly said,

Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.

As a general principle I’ve found this to be highly accurate. Strong minds do discuss ideas most of the time.

And the weak minds? Who cares.

Here’s what you do:

Say this quote out loud three times for the sake of repetition. Do it now before reading on.

You then write this quote on your whiteboard, or somewhere else where it’s highly visible. Then you look at it every day as you go about your day. That way it should stay fresh in your RAS (reticular activating system) and automatically be brought up to your attention.

You will then think about this in conversation with other people. You will quickly analyze any conversation on these three levels:

  • Strong minds = ideas: People talking about an idea or the execution of a future goal. They talk about something non-existent as if it were real, without hesitation as to whether this is going to happen or not. They talk about what will be.
  • Average minds = events: People talking about The Olympics, soccer players, some concert, or their last night out. They talk about what has been.
  • Weak minds = people: People talking about someone else’s actions, perhaps about a celebrity, or gossiping about acquaintances. They talk about other people because they don’t believe they can do anything themselves. Typical small-minded spectator-mentality.

The first group is important, and exceedingly rare. The other two groups aren’t worthy of your time.

The strong minds are the doers and critical thinkers of the world — the people who set the pace that everyone else follows. The average minds and the weak minds are the many people who observe and react to the strong minds.

If you observe this for a while it soon becomes an automatic habit that helps you screen people. It’ll save you a ton of time by improving your ability to quickly gauge the character of other people.

Step 2: Get Them to Like You

The easy explanation for how you get another person to like you is that you need to find a commonality, center the conversation around it, and build rapport.

And how do you do that?

By tuning into that person’s reality and finding out what his or her dominant memes (ideas & beliefs) are.

This is pretty advanced stuff, but when you understand how it works you will become astonished by seeing how easy it is to get just about anyone to like you.

happierman

Do you mean that I should stroke the ego of the other person?

Kind of, but this goes beyond that. The meme-perspective is deeper:

–You see, when you’re interacting with another person, it’s not always a genuine interaction you’re having. By “genuine interaction” I mean a discussion between two peers who don’t seek approval from each other, and whose common aim is the elevation of the mind. That is, they’re both prioritizing learning from one another over maintaining appearances or trying to impress each other. And both people are invested into the conversation.

Why are “genuine interactions” rare?

Because it’s a fact that most people nowadays aren’t very mentally present in conversation with others. This is because:

  1. They’re busy playing a part (they don’t really know who they are): A large bulk of people’s limited attention span is spent just to maintain their social persona by planning what to say or do next. This makes it hard for them to really listen to another person.
  2. They have a short attention span and aren’t very focused, making them easily distracted: For example, if a hot guy/girl walks by they’ll unconsciously look at that person and lose focus.

These two things prevent most people from investing into the interaction. You could say it’s a defense mechanism to keep the brain from spending energy and hinder change.

With that said, you can look at your interactions with other people — in particular with strangers — in a new way. Think of it as interacting with a brain possessing a body. There are two things you look for:

  1. A brain seeking to test out its ideas in search of improvement. This is generally true of a “strong” mind. This is what you’re looking for. These people want to change and improve.
  2. A brain in homeostasis defending its existing ideas  and seeking information confirming what they already know, or validation to stay the same. This is generally true of “average” and “weak” minds. This is what you want to avoid. These people don’t want to change.

I’m not saying that you should now stop thinking of other people as. . . people. But it certainly does help for the purpose of screening them to get a quick glimpse of what type of people they are, and if you’d like to get to know them.

Using the Meme-Perspective to Get People to Like You

Regardless of whichever of the 2 cases above you’re dealing with:

It’s crucial that you first identify the dominant memes underlying each topic brought up by the other person.

With a little practice you can do it quickly.

You can then tune into that, and feed into the other person’s reality by:

  1. Listening to them in a non-judgmental manner.
  2. Agreeing to what they’re saying in a convincing manner and thereby validating them.
  3. Speak about the things they’re interested in.

This will get the person to continue talking. And the more they talk, the more they invest into the interaction and the relationship. This is what you want!

You could also disagree with them, but do so at your own peril.

Strong minds can take it. Average and weak minds usually cannot, they will dislike you and perceive you as a threat.

Why?

Because they’re very uncertain about who they are — their identities are fragile: their sense of reality is founded on shaky grounds. So, when they get feedback that doesn’t verify what they already know, it makes them confused and highly uncomfortable. They’ll want to avoid you so that they can stay safe and comfortable.

Final Words

You’re not going to be successful at using this strategy unless you become a great listener and come across as an honest person.

Also, it’s usually easier to find and identify the average minds and the weak minds.

Guess why?

It’s because you’ve already gone through the paradigms that they live in, so you can more easily understand how they think and act. You’re already familiar with those things: your brain’s pattern recognition easily spots the pattern.

However, the stronger minds may be further along than you are, or in a completely different set of paradigms, making it a tougher for you to find people like this and screen them.

Summary:

1) Screen people to see if they’re worth your time. This can be done quickly just by analyzing the topic of discussion:

Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.

— Socrates

Put that quote up somewhere and look at it frequently. Copy it into your commonplace. Practice it.

2) Befriend people by identifying their memes (ideas & beliefs) and feed into them. Or put in plain English, find a commonality and build rapport.

It’s very hard to write a piece like this one without coming off as a sneaky social manipulator. But the fact is that we all have social strategies. It’s just a matter of if we tell others about them or not.

Speaking of social strategies:

What do you think about this? Do you know of any smart ways to meet intelligent and driven people?

Photo credits: Max S

0 Flares Facebook 0 Google+ 0 Twitter 0 Buffer 0 0 Flares ×

Monthly Newsletter

Put in your email below to join my monthly newsletter.

And gain these bonuses:
1) First 60 pages from BOOH
2) 30 practical follow-up resources
3) Quick-start guide to commonplacing

Comments

  1. Amazing,how people change their personality from strong,average and weak minded. Great post.

  2. Dan Black says:

    While reading this I kept on thinking about the book: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie which is such a great book!

    I think we have to be brave about making the connection and then showing the person we desire to help and add value to them. Good post!

  3. Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people — Ditto.

    Really though, some strong-minded people mask themselves as much as weak-minded people appear to be fake and strong. And we can’t tell no?

    Surrounding ourselves with people who are strong minded is great. But whatever lesson we get from them will remain as it is if we don’t apply it to our lives, no matter how good we are in finding people worthy of our time.

    • Heathenwinds says:

      Distinguishing strong people from weak people is really easy (by the way, does it strike anything else as ironic that we’re all discussing other people???). The distinguishing factor is how resistant weak people are to any kind of change, and this kind of thing manifests itself in conversation quickly and distinctly.

      Check for:

      – “I would, but…”
      – “I really should do…”
      – Any kind of kneejerk resistance to other ideas
      – Any kind of sense that the person is playing a role

      • It’s easy to discern between strong minds and weak ones. The strong mind can be identified by its ready ability to recognize other strong minds, while the weak mind finds difficulty in doing so.

    • Aquila,

      Heathenwinds:
      “(by the way, does it strike anything else as ironic that we’re all discussing other people???”

      — Haha. It’s a fine line. I would rather say we’re discussing the idea about people. A theory. Not gossiping about a specific person.

    • Aquila,
      “But whatever lesson we get from them will remain as it is if we don’t apply it to our lives”

      — It’s a great point/principle in general, but I don’t wholly agree in this case. When we hang around “strong minds”, and competent people, our standards are raised. It’s an unconscious process of learning that goes on all the time and requires little to no effort. For example, if you become best friends with four millionaires, you’ll probably feel a bit more entitled to making money than you did before you knew them and before you had taken on some of their beliefs on the concept of money.

      Heathenwinds:
      “(by the way, does it strike anything else as ironic that we’re all discussing other people???”

      — Haha. It’s a fine line. I would rather say we’re discussing the idea about people. A theory. Not gossiping about the latest mishap a specific person.

  4. “It’s hard to cut friends off, even if you know they’re not the type of person you should be around to maximize your personal growth in the long-term.”

    Cutting a mere “friend” off is easy. If you’ve decided that you need to do it, it is already done. If you’re a dick, just tell them to shove it. If not, all you have to do is give them a chance to cut /themselves/ off. Either way, they can recognize for themselves that the friendship is obsolete, and walk away clean. If not, one or both of you is mentally ill.

    The difficult cases here are 1) family and 2) pussy. The latter is especially problematic if there are children. There are at least fifty ways to leave your lover, but none work very well if your ex-lover gets custody. And no friend can hold you back like a bad family or a bad woman can.

  5. Ludvig, I have a question.

    I’m familiar with Socrate’s quote.

    I will say that I rarely talk about people. If I ever feel the urge or am about to, I quickly stop it.

    I have done it, and I quickly felt bad and ended the conversation.

    I will say that is 5% of my conversations.

    Now, I mostly spend time alone and rarely talk so…

    When I am with people, it is to fulfill an objective or to learn something from them or to get some opinion.

    I will talk about events some times. I will say 25% of the time.

    Anyways.

    Do you ever talk about people or events? Do you think is possible to talk about ideas 24/7?

    • Hey Sebastian. The quote is just a general rule, don’t get too caught up with the breakdown of how much time you spend for each of the 3! Anyone who talks about ideas 24/7 is some kind of creep!

      I actually do talk about people quite a bit, but not in a superficial way. I don’t do so much of gossip and bitching. Or the kind of clothes someone wears.

    • The key to propaganda is “Simplify and exaggerate”. (Attributed to Göbbels as well as others). Everyone talks about people and events /sometimes/, as appropriate. The quote from Socrates is a qualitative guide, not a syllogism. Just because someone mentions that Obama is a thief or that Russia just nuked Kiev doesn’t mean that they have a small or mediocre mind. If you listen to what people say, you can quickly tell the nature of their /preoccupation/. Or, you can unless you are a small or mediocre mind.

    • Hey Sebastian,

      I can’t give any accurate estimates, but yeah, of course I talk about events and people to a certain extent. But I try not to be the one to bring it up in conversation. And if I get caught up in such a conversation with other people, I try to lead it towards something more beneficial and mentally stimulating.

      I don’t think it’s possible to talk about ideas all the time, unless you are Nicola Tesla reincarnated.

      Thanks for the comment!

  6. Cutting the dead weight from my life is perhaps the hardest thing I’ve ever done. One such person was one of my best friends, but I realised that due to the company HE keeps, it was toxic even being around him.

    I’m still not sure if I will ever hang out with him again, but I definitely feel more at ease these days. It can’t be a coincidence.

  7. Socestes

    • Oops.

      Socrates had it right a long time ago. A bit similar to how you describe it.

      I read he would basically go around and seek out “strong minds”, aka intelligent people who were good at philosophy, and try to find out what they were thinking.

      He would pretend he didnt know much at all about a thing, or that he was downright stupid. And many people believed it because he was so ugly and strange. Then he humbly and curiously asked questions and got people to reveal their philosophies to him.

      And after many years of doing this he came to the famous conclusion that he was the wisest of all men in Greece because at least he knew that he didnt know anything.

  8. “You can then tune into that, and feed into the other person’s reality by:

    1. Listening to them in a non-judgmental manner.
    2. Agreeing to what they’re saying in a convincing manner and thereby validating them.
    3. Speak about the things they’re interested in.”

    This is essentially the same advice you will get in any sort of training on interpersonal manipulation, whether it’s psychotherapy, police interrogation, or sales. The first point, non-judgmental listening, I call “SHUT THE FUCK UP”. It is the most important and usually needs to be repeated many times in a conversation.

    Agreeing, or at least appearing to agree, with the target, means offering APPROVAL. Everyone, at bottom, wants to feel accepted, approved, and justified. But be careful with those who have exceptional intelligence and confidence; they may recognize and resist manipulation. Ask them questions about their ideas, but be careful that your questions are genuine and without prejudice. A strong mind may also appreciate a /good/ criticism of their ideas, because it gives him a chance to defend and explain them. When you use this tactic, remember that you’re not trying to win an argument, you’re playing a role. And if you don’t have the knowledge to ask good questions, SHUT THE FUCK UP and go do some research.

    There’s a good reason the third point comes last. ONLY after you have established a sense of trust and sympathy can you expect someone to open up. Otherwise, you will seem suspiciously “nosy”. You must first establish (second point) that you have a genuine common interest or opinion. Concentrating on common interests is also a distraction from potential disagreements or conflicts.

    This approach may seem like common sense, and may come instinctively with people you actually like, but don’t underestimate its power. Most murderers freely confess to police, and in many cases you will read that the perpetrator led police to crime scenes and hidden bodies. The killer doesn’t do this because he wants to be punished, or because the cops beat him up. He does it because police interrogators know how to

    SHUT THE FUCK UP
    QUESTION WITHOUT CRITICIZING
    FOCUS ON SUBJECTS OF SYMPATHY
    as well as
    SHUT THE FUCK UP again, as often as necessary.

    Hopefully the people you are seeking out are not murderers, but chances are they are amenable to the same basic approach.

  9. mr SNAKE says:

    Great article and very useful in the practical sense, as in sure you want it to be. I think the “problem” (not with your strategy, but in general) is that everyone thinks they are a strong mind.

    Even weak minds think, or at least want to think, that they are strong. But like you say, if you feed into that, they will definitely like you. Heh.

    Im not sure where im going with this.. Maybe someone will understand.

    Also….

    Better comments than usual.

    Cool drawings btw.

  10. Hi Ludvig,

    Another quote I feel is relevant and a good reminder is…“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn.

    I find this quote is a good reminder to surround myself with encouraging people and it’s a good, quick reality check. Think right now “who are the 5 main people I choose to hang around with?” Whatever the type of mind they have, it’s likely your same. If you don’t like the answer, start changing it.

    I don’t believe everyone in your life can be strong-minded but referring back to the quote it’s up to you how you divide your time. Like you said sometimes we have emotional attachments to these people and although on occasions I have no choice but to interact with a few negative, weak minded individuals I DO have the choice to decide how much of my time and effort I give. Which is obviously as little as possible.

    This a great thought provoking post. Throughout reading the words ‘Big Fish, Small Pond’ came to mind!

    Naomi

    • Hey Naomi,

      Haha. Yeah, the Jim Rohn quote is a given!

      Good input. You’re right about minimizing the impact of negative people. Anything else would be to willingly take a “mental beating”.

      Nice thought: I do think most people like being big fish in a small pond.

    • “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

      I can’t agree. The five people I spend the most time with are the average of me and whoever else they would have been otherwise.

    • Hi Naomi. Do you have any advice for how you find strong minds among female friends?

      • Hi Jen,

        It really depends on what you consider to be a ‘strong mind’. An old school friend of mine is a self-made millionaires and built her business from nothing all alone. But in her spare time she usually discusses/reads about celebrities and what they’re doing, watches reality TV/soap dramas.

        And I have a closer friend (also female) who is always broke, lives day-by-day but can spend hours talking about philosophy and pulls apart any theory put in front of her. She also knows a lot about the earth/planets movements and how it effects us.

        Who has the stronger mind? The millionaires business strategies who loves the Kardashians or the girl who’s not doing anything with her life, but knows more about human existence than an university lecturer? Hmmm?

        So for that reason it’s impossible to give you a straight answer. Strong minds come in different forms and some are strong in one area and weak in others.

        My advice is to firstly decide on the kind of minds your seeking and then look at what their interested in. Where do they hang out, do they attend any type of clubs/groups? Are there online groups or discussion forums you can join?

        I hope this helps. Apologize for the length of my reply, but there is no simple answer…

        Naomi

  11. –> The “resistance-training-logic” cannot be applied to the company you keep.
    It’s not completely true. It works. We just underestimate the effort we need to put in it. It’s an order of magnitude harder to train your mind, than to train your body.
    I discovered that when I applied some focus into governing my tongue, mostly through keeping the silence, people around me started to mimic me. I refused to go their ways, so they conformed to mine. Everybody around me – my family, workmates, etc – started to talk less and to use more gestures and grunts to communicate.
    But man, you need a load of power to sustain!

    I think that’s the way the society is changing. I can’t imagine that Gandhi found some folks even better than him, surrounded himself by them and then he changed the world (or at least India). It was the other way around. By the sheer power of his personality he attracted followers who mimicked him.

    But as long as you are not Gandhi, your tactic is working nicely ;)

    I would also add a piece of advice: be yourself. Don’t pretend anyone else. It’s not worth to invest in a relationship, even with a high-level, strong-minded person, if your worldviews are not compatible.
    As Abgrund said above, both Jesus and Hitler were great men. But I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to have a relationship with both of them.

  12. Fascinating article. I’ve been reading a lot lately about comfort zones, and have realized that they don’t simply reflect the type of work we want to do, the type of food we eat, the sorts of hobbies we fill our weekends with. They also exist in our social circles. From a personal perspective, stepping outside my social comfort zone is something that I’m terrible at: I tend to mix with people who are close by, or whom I’ve known for a long time. Interestingly, I didn’t put this together with my oft-repeated lament, “I wish I had more friends” until just now. Thank you!

  13. Just wanted to add that I think most commenters on SGM are already strong-minded people! And blogging makes it easy for all of us to connect! :) Of course nothing beats a live interaction, but this is a very good start.

    I actually read many comments here. I enjoy the discussion a lot. :)

    • Heathenwinds says:

      Hey Jeremy, as you get older do you see strong minded people appear out of nowhere or do people that are weak-minded end up becoming strong minded? Or are we(they?) so rare that I’ve just never met somebody my age who is strong-minded, because I know most everyone in my grade and the youngest strong person I know is still around 25.

      • I don’t see them appearing out of nowhere, and neither do I see weak-minded people becoming strong-minded. Once you’ve made the decision to get the losers out of your life and surround yourself with the right people, they will come. It’s a bit like LOA. I just become more aware of the strong-minded people when I see them, because I want to hang out with them.

        Actually for me, it’s not always so much about strong/weak-minded. I’m just naturally picky and I look at the whole package.

        Some people discuss ideas, but their logic is simply ridiculous. This is not to say I only hang out with people who agree with everything I say. The thing is, when I ask for their reasoning, they think I’m against them, when a lot of times I’m actually just genuinely interested to know their thought processes that lead them into making those points. The tend to take it to heart. And then I can sense insecurity when they explain their points. Refer to Ludvig’s words.

        “Because they’re very uncertain about who they are — their identities are fragile: their sense of reality is founded on shaky grounds. So, when they get feedback that doesn’t verify what they already know, it makes them confused and highly uncomfortable. They’ll want to avoid you so that they can stay safe and comfortable.”

        I also stay away from people who get intimidated when you talk about life, self-improvement, and dreams. Even family. A LOT of people are uncomfortable talking about this. These people aren’t worth my time.

      • Heathenwinds says:

        Thanks Jeremy. the only example that I have of a strong person in my age group is myself, and I know that /I/ was weak-minded, so I figured that maybe people change more often. Sadly that seems not to be the case though.

        In any case, I simply can’t fathom a life without self-improvement. I have first hand examples literally eveywhere of people living like this but it just seems like a huge obvious gaping void to me.

      • Why would you constrain yourself to only looking for strong minds your own age?

        Anyway, mental strength comes from a combination of things, one of which is experience. Naturally younger people are less likely to meet that criterion. It doesn’t mean that they never will, or that they aren’t worth talking to.

    • I agree. Interesting discussion.

  14. sebastian says:

    You cannot stress the importance of friends enough. But I think that your colleagues are even more important.

    If you work 9-5, you’re surrounded all day long with mediocre people, doing a mediocre job, living a mediocre life.

    There is this saying: You can’t be half of a ganster. If you work all day long with mediocre people, some leisure with go-getters won’t fix the damage.

    Do it right, or don’t do it at all.

    “It’s very hard to write a piece like this one without coming off as a sneaky social manipulator. But the fact is that we all have social strategies. It’s just a matter of if we tell others about them or not.”

    It’s like doping. If your opponents are doping…you have to do it as well.

    • True on the gangster part, Sebastian!

      “If you work 9-5, you’re surrounded all day long with mediocre people, doing a mediocre job, living a mediocre life.”

      — The dread.

      • Derek McCullough says:

        A great extension to this post. I don’t think I have anything great to add, so I’ll just say…

        Great post, Ludvig!

        Great comment, Sebastian!

  15. I so appreciate this post.

  16. This is really truthful and straightforward advice. As with many things in life, it is a lot easier to say than to put into action. When you get serious about surrounding yourself with strong minds, you may discover that it’s ostensibly hard to find them at first.
    The key, of course, is to look in the right places. Are the thinkers in the universities? To be honest, I couldn’t think of a WORSE place to try and look for a strong mind. There are many reasons for this, but primarily it is because degrees (generally) are a way for weak minds to validate themselves (having said that, I have one – hypocrite, I know!). You won’t find strong minds in the workplace either, and you certainly won’t find them out at nightclubs. Of course, there may be strong thinkers littered sparsely throughout these places, but to find them would be like looking for a needle in a haystack, even given the profound degree of ‘magnetism’ shared between the strong (great minds really do think alike).
    Believe it or not, sports clubs are often a great place to find these types of people. Most great minds care deeply about their bodies or enjoy spending their leisure time productively, whether at the gym or playing a team sport. Of course there are a ton of knuckleheads at these places too, but I’ve generally had much more luck there than I’ve had anywhere else.
    The other way to dig them out is to jump online and find meetups between entrepreneurs. This is a great way to almost instantly find like-minded people to bounce around ideas with. Usually socialising in this context is far more competitive than conversing with normal people, but that’s the whole point. Eventually you will find common areas where great minds meet, but until you do it will be difficult to find the sheep among the multitudes of goats.

    • Thanks Luke. That’s what I was going for.

      You make a good point about there not being too many “strong minds” in the universities. I concur with that, and I’ll have my degree in a few months.

      “Great minds think alike” has been one of my favorite quotes for years. Haha. And I agree with you, they do. They may not have the same thoughts or ideas, but they often have similar frameworks, and can recognize and therefore respect it in others.

  17. What I find is it’s hard to find the strong minded people…probably non-existent.

    I think that some strong-minded people are masking their ideas and belief by pretending to be average and weak. Like me, I have a lot of idea but I rarely talk about them – it may be due to my weakness of mind or it may be due to my tendency to conform when it comes to social interaction. People just think it is the norm to talk about events and others.

    Ludvig, can you give me an example of a specific discussion by strong-minded people?

    Just to help my RAS to be more aware of them.

    • Hey Wan, strong minded people do exist and they’re easy to find if you’re looking in the right places.

      Just think about where these people hang out, what are their hobbies, what they do on their free time, etc. and go do that shit. Whilw you’re at it, just be social and be authentic (don’t mask your ideas bro, draw people in, make them excited about your ideas) and I’m sure you’ll come across some awesome individuals … it’s a number’s game at the end of the day.

      • Thanks, Dejan.

        Ya…maybe I’m hoping that they will come to me but I guess that is the wrong approach. Where do you think people who are strong minded hang out, Dejan?

    • Heathenwinds says:

      I’m certainly not Ludvig but it seems to me that screening for key phrases like “what is your opinion on…” “I like that idea/concept/plan,” or “that really changed my mind.” The last of the above is less obvious but it shows openmindness to others.

    • Wan, keep in mind that strong people may not be at all like you, they may not be easy to get along with, and they (like all of us) have serious flaws. Strong people can have very different values and goals from each other. Both Adolf Hitler and Jesus Christ were certainly strong men. So don’t make the mistake of a weak mind and look for people who agree with you, but be open to greatness wherever it exists. I have met hobos who had a better grasp on their own life than many “successful” men.

      If you want to look for strong people, start with your own roots. Parents, teachers, siblings, etc. Some will be common and useless, but a strong branch does not grow from a feeble tree.

    • Hi Wan,

      I can definitely relate to what you said here…

      “I think that some strong-minded people are masking their ideas and belief by pretending to be average and weak. Like me, I have a lot of idea but I rarely talk about them”.

      I never pretend to be average or weak minded but as the television seems to dominate so many peoples lives I just know the average/weak minded person could never get on board with what I’m saying and properly find me boring. So I chose not to bother.

      Naomi

    • Wan,
      Seems like you got some very good answers here already. I can add this:

      –1.
      Screening, like Heathenwinds says, is a good idea. Here are two more good canned lines you can use:
      “Have you been working on anything (cool) on your free time lately?”
      “Have you heard about … [insert interesting idea]?”

      –2.
      Stop compromising: get rid of your reflex for being people-pleasing and start doing and saying whatever you feel like. People can either get with the program, or be gotten rid off.

      ” Like me, I have a lot of idea but I rarely talk about them – it may be due to my weakness of mind or it may be due to my tendency to conform when it comes to social interaction”

      — While this is strongly ingrained into most people from evolution (don’t upset the tribe or you’ll get hit with a club) and years of social conditioning, it can be overcome. It just takes a bunch of practice.

      Public speaking, gym-going, doing vlogs in public places, talking to strangers, and fighting help a lot. These things are all great practice for the amygdala (the part of the brain that makes you scared and keeps you passive). If you’ve read my book (BOOH) I mention a number of things like this under the chapter “The Amygdala”.

      I’m pretty outspoken now. It polarizes people: they either think I’m a delusional retard, or that I am cool. It saves me a lot of time.

      But I wasn’t like that a few years ago. I had to practice a lot to become comfortable with it.

    • Wan, you probably have all the answers here and more, but thought I may add that another way I use to find strong minded people is asking them “What” questions. Something like… “What are your thoughts on this?” You’ll generally get a good gist from their response on what kind of person they are. And they might just be anywhere. ;)

    • Derek McCullough says:

      Wan,

      Strong minded people hang out here! Hahah.

      Hit me up, I’d love to bounce ideas back and forth. We can free up some of our ideas and work out our minds.

  18. I also like Ludvig’s final words, “You’re not going to be successful at using this strategy unless you become a great listener and come across as an honest person.” People want to be liked, but they want to be liked for the right reasons.

    Purposefully befriending people works only if we are able to honestly find characteristics that we like or admire about the other person so that we can communicate that interest and form a real friendship.

  19. Great quote by Socrates!! Im writing it down.

    On the rest i think its a bit overanalytical.

    Enough with the socializing posts now, please?

    • Joseph,

      Yeah. Enough of that for now.

      The reason I did three of them in a row is because I wanted to put out these concepts while they’re still fresh in mind. It becomes hard (and BORING) to write about something that you already know well. That’s why I’ve done so few posts on bodybuilding/fitness. That stuff is just automatic for me by now. I suffer the curse of knowledge there.

      It’s best to put out content when you’ve just about mastered it — and still feel passionate about the info.

      • Fully understand the curse of knowledge.

        When I started deadlifting I had problems with grip strength. No I am lifting more than two times the weight of my body for 5 reps without this problem. I recently read a comment about that grip strength problem and I thought: “Hey, there was something!”. I had totally forgotten that this might be a problem for guys that start deadlifting.

        Summary: You should always be careful when listening to expert advise as some experts may not be fully consciuos of the beginner’s problems.

      • Good points, Michael.

        And congrats on the lifts. That’s powerful.

      • Konrad Korzenowski says:

        Knowledge can never be a curse. Familiarity however is another thing.

        Nike is a two-edged sword. You do it yourself because you trust no one else.

  20. “their identities are fragile: their sense of reality is founded on shaky grounds. So, when they get feedback that doesn’t verify what they already know, it makes them confused and highly uncomfortable. They’ll want to avoid you so that they can stay safe and comfortable.”

    ==> Very well said, Ludvig! And they’ll never admit it. I believe most people start off like this, but once they start thinking hard about life and who they really are as a person, they’ll gradually be able to admit it. And admitting that is the first step to becoming a better person. It’s tough at first, but I think it could be game-changer.

    “You become mindful about who you allow into your life.”

    ==> Unfortunately, most don’t realise the importance of this until it’s too late. They have a whole bunch of loser friends already, haha. I would say it really takes a maturity beyond your age to prevent this.

    “People talking about The Olympics, soccer players, some concert, or their last night out.”

    ==> I’ve always hated this since a long time ago. Especially those guys who are ALWAYS talking about their soccer shit. Hope I didn’t offend anyone here, haha.

    By the way, COOL SGM illustration! Was that piece of art commissioned? I really like it.

    • Hey Jeremy,

      I’m glad you liked the illustrations , thanks for the compliment! :)

    • Jeremy,
      “And they’ll never admit it”
      –True.

      “They have a whole bunch of loser friends already, haha”
      — Yeah, there’s no easy way of dropping loser friends. The best way is just “phase them out”, and be extra mindful as you look forward and do your thing.

      “Hope I didn’t offend anyone here, haha. ”
      –I’d have offended them at least 2-3 times then. Haha.

      Thanks for the comment!

      As for the illustrations: Max did them. I especially like the first one. Excellent background!

Trackbacks

  1. […] of the internet is tire-kickers and do-nothings, but the few remainders who consistently offer real value are precious jewels you’d be wise to listen […]

  2. […] looks best on paper that gets the job. Employers will nearly always pick the candidate who has a personal connection with someone else who works […]

Leave a Reply to Heathenwinds Cancel reply

*